Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Time to get serious

I usually use this blog as a way to express myself and I vowed since the incident that I am about to talk about to always focus on the positive. But I have been doing a lot of reflecting about something that has helped shape me into the positive person I am today.
So here it is..

I have suffered from depression and still struggle with high anxiety

It was one of the hardest and most humbling things I have had to deal with in my short 23 years of living. Two years ago at about this time in my Junior Fall Semester I withdrew from College. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Here's what happened. I was noticing my anxiety was hitting an all time high and I knew I needed to try and get it into check. I was about to start my Junior year, I was getting an apartment, it was about to be the most important part of my college career so I went and met with my doctor. She prescribe me some anti-anxiety medication. ( For those of you who know anything about this medication its also the same meds used for depression) I was warned that this was a side affect and to let her know if I notice change in my behavior

So I was feeling good. I noticed alot of my anxiety was gone. 

Now I know what you thinking alot of people have anxiety but mine is real bad. I have a huge security issue and fear of being hurt/sick. I have spent nights getting up and checking the doors dozens of times cause I am just not 100% sure. I have also broken down numerous times to where I can't breath and can't calm myself down. 

Then all of a sudden I took a turn for the worst. The medicine's side affects took their toll. I was really active in my sorority in college, numerous organizations and loved being social and it was like a switch and I was suddenly skipping all my classes, sleeping 15+ hours a day, not showing up to any sorority events and not leaving my house. 

Eventually Andrew noticed an told me I needed to go talk to a counselor or he was taking the first step and calling my parents. I told him I hated him and if he didn't leave me alone "He would be single"( Yes those were my exact words) Praise God that he only wanted (and still does) whats best for me and picked me up screaming and crying and drug me to my advisor and from there I went to the school psychologist.

After talking for a few weeks and figuring out what was going on, I realized I wasn't myself. I was depressed. 

Calling my parents that night was the hardest thing I have ever done. I felt like a failure. My parents have beaten so many odds and I felt like I let them down. But being the most amazing parents they are, they came up the next day, packed up my apartment and took me home. Not a word about it, had my room ready for me and my favorite dinner and their only concern was to make me whole again. 

Looking back now I am so incredibly blessed by God to have been given such a wonderful support system. At first I was embarrassed and I cried for days. When I told people I left school I said I was "got sick" and missed to many classes. I wasn't ready to face the truth. I thought only crazy people had counseling so I couldn't tell people I left school because I was depressed. 
Now I am still struggling with my anxiety and have found more natural ways to deal with it. A diet high in Vitamin B reduces stress and anxiety in women, and there are many other natural things you can change in your diet. I have learned so much and hope one day I can help someone through this struggle as all those around me helped and continue to help me everyday through mine.
But because of it I am stronger and so blessed.


  1. Thanks for being so courageous and telling your story! The year after I graduated from college and got married I also struggled with depression. It is so hard to explain to someone that even though you have all kinds of great things going on in your life, you still aren't "happy". Glad that you were moved to share!

  2. Wow, Brianna, thanks for sharing! College is such a difficult time and you are so strong for figuring out that you needed help. And Andrew is such a good man to fight for what is best for you!

  3. Brianna, you are amazing! These real posts are often my favorite ones to read because they are so real. Life isn't perfect and we aren't perfect, but good for you for knowing what's best for you. And you are lucky to have so much love and support in your family. That's what life is all about!

  4. Wow!! So brave to write all this out in the open! I deal with High Anxiety and I am taking similar types of medicine. I have days where I am really down and don't want to be around anyone. but luckily, it's just a few days and then I am back to normal.
    Glad to have found your blog!! I am a new follower =]

  5. I love that you shared this! I know it's tough....I dealt with something very similar last year and it actually took me longer to admit it to myself than it did anybody else. I'm glad you are able to talk about it through your blog and have such a strong support system in Andrew and your parents! :)