Humbled

Something happened and it was like a slap in the face, hello Brianna what are you doing.

Let me back story it a little bit.

(This post is a little text heave and not picture friendly)

I have a terminating teaching contract. It's cause I am a first year teacher and lateral entry because I didn't complete the student teaching portion of my program.

So I knew a time would come when I would get my letter saying my job wasn't guaranteed until after they placed all tenured teachers. Still at that point my job my not be available at my school I may have to apply at other schools, meet the principals, see if we fit and then transfer. I knew it was coming.

Well that time came. It came Wednesday Morning after I made my way back to school after that terrible flu. I took my letter, my principal gave me the most encouraging words that she had a position for me even though they had to let go of a few teachers, so as long as they didn't have to transfer tenure teachers to our school I would be fine.

Remember that anxiety I have? Well it hit full force. I am the main provider right now, what would I do without a paycheck. Should I get a second job now to save in case I lost my job, I need to start checking the postings every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday to see the new jobs and apply. I can't wait around, I had to figure out our life.

I came home talked  freaked out to Andrew where he told me to relax and I shouldn't panic for the next few months until I knew. Everything would be fine. I said okay but thought no it wouldn't be fine everything is falling apart and I am not comfortable.

I woke up Thursday morning and read my blogs and the last one I read was this one from Lauren. I read it and for the 100'th time though look how strong she is and went to make my lunch. Well some where between making my sandwich and my coffee God decided to smack me in the face and had me really think about and reflect what I read in Lauren's post. 

This is what I have been praying so hard for. To soften my heart and give it over to God. Allow him to be in total control because when he is I am less anxious. I am taken care of. I am happier. And here I was trying to do it on my own

So I stopped. Prayed and felt extremely humbled. This was a test and at this point I failed. But being Christian isn't about how many times you fail, its about getting back up and asking for forgiveness. So I have put my lists aside and began praying and asking God what his list is. I know that he has a plan and it is better and more perfect that any plan I could ever come up with.

Our God is fighting for us always

Our God is fighting for us all

Our God is fighting for us always

We are not alone

We are not alone