After your married the hardest thing
(besides learning to live with a boy for the rest of your life)
is learning to share your money.
You go your whole life worrying about yourself and now its not just you anymore.
The three most common ways I have seen married couples deal with money are
1. What's Mine is yours
(you share everything)
2. My Money and Your Money
(you share nothing)
3. Mine, Yours and Ours
(Share only some and keep some for yourself)
Andrew and I fall under category number one.
I am going to tell you why but I want to preface it by saying that I don't think if you don't do it our way you are wrong. I am just saying this is what falls in lines with what our values and the ideals we want to set for our family
Andrew's family does the my money, your money (#2) and my parents do a what's mine is yours approach (#1) so when we got married we had to figure out what we wanted.
When we said I do I promised God that I would become one with my husband. We live our lives daily to glorify God and make him happy so in return all our blessings come from him. They are given to us to bless our family so we count our money as one. I don't believe one of us should get more because one person currently makes more than the other. There will be multiple times in our lives where we switch roles of who makes more.
We set our budget on what we want to save each month and that automatically goes into savings. Then we take out living expenses and then budget food and gas. Then whatever is leftover is our free money for the month.
Because Andrew is a grad student and I am a teacher we live on a budget. We take our free money and while we do spend a little on ourselves ( and when I mean little I mean coffee with friends or a quick breakfast on the way to work) we spend the majority on things we can do together.
Yes this means I have had to cut back my shopping to only when I really need things or I have to clean out my closet in order to splurge on some new outfits but in the long run I am going to remember the things we did together with our money and not the hot new fashion piece this season. Now don't get me wrong I am not the only one who cuts back. Andrew doesn't buy quite as many video games and gadgets as he used to either. We are grateful for what we have and while sometimes I swoon over new things, I have become more appreciative of what I have been blessed with and not feeling like I always want more.
In the end this is what works for us. We make decisions on our money together. If there is something one of us really wants that is pricey we talk about it and make the decision together. Then we save a little for a few months and we make it work. It helps us not only save and get things we really want but also helps so much with our communication as a couple.
So what about you? How do you deal with money?
Great post! My husband and I are #3 but the money we put aside for us is a very small amount. One thing about us though is that although we both work, I take care of all the finances. Lets just say I am the more "responsible" one when it comes to that! lol! But thats just what works for us. :)
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I love this post! This is definitely a huge thing to think about going into marriage and I love your take on the options. I may need your advice later :) Also, LOVE the new blog design!!
ReplyDeleteMy husband Josh and I share all our money, but we have a deal that any of our travel or reimbursement checks are ours to use for things we want individually, whether that be to eat lunch out with coworkers or for something like a new shirt or necklace we want to buy. Adore your new blog design by the way!
ReplyDeleteTrey and I did #3, but looking back it caused a lot of issues. Next time, I'll definitely look more into #1 because of the accountability!
ReplyDeleteMy hubby and I are #1 as well though we were not always like that! We were very much #3 for many years and it began like that when we first moved in together before we were married! Then we bought a home and still kept it #3. He paid the mortgage and I paid everything else - utilities, insurances, groceries, etc. and we each paid our own student loans. It worked great for us, but then because I wasn't bringing in the majority of the income, my bank account was always small at the end of each pay period and I was treating myself to ANYTHING new. No new accessories, or clothes, or shoes. NOTHING. And my husband hated that I didnt ask him for extra money for treating myself to new items so he decided we should turn into #1! Best decision by far, not just for buying ourselves new things here and there, but because now it's so much easier to keep track of all the money coming in and all of the money going out. I really believe that what's mine is his and vice versa! I know others believe keeping it seperate protects you from, well, the possiblity of the other spouse wiping you out if the relationship was to go South, but divorce isnt an option for us {thats another post all on its own} and I trust that if things were not going well in our marriage I would set up a seperate account to protect myself if the time ever came! Sorry for the novel but I completely agree with you!!! And as you said one way is not the best way for everyone, you have to do what works best for you and your spouse and family!!!
ReplyDeleteWe are #1 and I really can't imagine it any other way. I don't judge anyone that has a different way that works for them but I truly think it would be so weird for us to not share everything. We didn't share everything till after the wedding day and it even felt odd splitting things when we were engaged. I didn't like having to think about who's turn it was to pay this or that or what would equal out. I do feel like the #1 method is really the minority these days. Both our parents are #1 too.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I feel like whats mine is his and vice versa. If he made a lot more money than me or vice versa Id want some of that money to spend and I know he would too! hahah